I couldn't do anything. My chi attacks are completely useless here and now I've got a huge freaking gash in my side. I guess it could have been worse, but...
An alchemist, a priest, and a neutron walk into a bar. The alchemist pays his tab with some rocks he's turned into gold. The priest orders plain water and turns it into wine.
The neutron order a margarita and when he asks how much he owes, the bartender replies, "For you? No charge!"